The Despair of a God
by Mysteryguy12
Summary: In the realm of the gods, he's found a place where even he can not tread. To realize his own worth in the face of another, a god feels despair for the first time. Set directly after chapter 280. Oneshot about Agon.


I love Eyeshield so very much

I love Eyeshield so very much. The past few chapters have been a buffet of absolute wonderfulness. I suppose if you watch the anime or have only read what's out legally in America there are a few spoilers here, so watch out. But anyway, the chapter where Agon goes to Teikoku? I very nearly peed myself with glee. It was so wonderful. I _**had**_to do something about it. So I chose to do a sad thing about Agon and a decision that he makes after the event. His decision is absolute fiction as far as we know. Don't worry.

Setting is after Agon's encounter with Yamato in chapter 280. This is the night following, before the Christmas bowl begins. I hope that gives you all some sort of idea of when and what is going on. Thank you!

--

The Despair of a God

"You're what!?"

Unsui lets go of the bar. Behind him, pulleys squeal as 60 pounds smash back down against 190 pounds of metal. He stands up so fast that he kicks over his water bottle, spilling it onto the padded floor. Moments ago, his muscles had been burning, but now, he can barely feel them at all. He is vaguely aware that the team manager is shouting at him for not being more careful with the equipment, but he doesn't care.

"What did you say?" Unsui asks, unable to believe what he has heard.

His brother sighs in annoyance and crosses his arms. He isn't making eye contact, and a deep frown splits across his face. Nothing about this is out of the ordinary. But the words that had just fell from that frowning mouth, that's what Unsui finds so hard to swallow.

"Don't be a dumbass, Unko-chan," Agon says harshly. "You heard me."

But he isn't sure that he did. It all seems like some kind of crazy dream. The room is tilting slightly. Unsui sits back down on the exercise machine with a thump. He tries to speak but the only thing that comes out is a strangled groan. A small crowd has begun to gather around the two brothers. The heavy breathing of their teammates can be heard like a soft hum in the otherwise silent room.

"What's going on, Agon-senpai?" Ikkyu's voice echoes from somewhere in the crowd. Unsui tries to focus on it, but he can't turn away from his brother.

Agon turns slightly and tilts his head to the side, looking down at Ikkyu.

"You get to be the shitty ace now, Ikkyu," he spits.

Ikkyu blinks and turns bright red. "A-a-ace?" He stutters as he speaks. "Agon I've never been the ace, that's you."

"Well not anymore." Agon turns and the crowd parts. He begins walking toward the exit. Unsui struggles to regain feeling in his legs, but fails.

"I'm quitting."

The room goes silent as Agon opens the door. "Sayonara, trashes."

The exercise room is quiet for a long time. The Shinryuuji Nagas stand, frozen by Agon's unexpected news. Unsui stares at the exit where Agon had just left through. His vision seems hazy and everything looks unrealistic. It didn't make sense. It didn't make any sense at all…

"Unsui-senpai?"

Unsui looks up. Ikkyu is standing in front of him. He looks like he's about to cry. Unsui looks around. The rest of the team is looking at him as well.

"Is Agon really quitting?"

Unsui says nothing, just turns his gaze slowly to the exit once again. He can feel something catch in his throat and he tries to swallow it down.

"Unsui?" Ikkyu pleads.

Unsui stares at the door and then closes his eyes. They feel wet, though nothing falls from them. Silently he takes a deep breath. Agon had threatened to quit many times before. He skipped practices, games, whole tournaments, but he never really quit. He always came back to crush his opponents.

So why does this feel so different. Agon was acting the same as always; no eye contact, calling him names, referring to everyone as trash. He was still the same superior brother he had always been. So why does it feel so serious? Ikkyu had felt it too. The whole team had. Something was different, and Agon had really meant it.

"He really is quitting…" Ikkyu whispers.

Unsui stands. Everyone's eyes follow him. He says nothing as he walks to the exit and opens the door. Even as he moves out into the hallway and the door shuts behind him, he says nothing. The team is left gazing at his wake.

He moves fast, walking quickly down the hallway. He reaches the locker room and opens the door with a crash.

"Agon!" he shouts. There is no answer.

He's walking down the hall again, his pace quickening to a jog. He turns a corner and reaches the hall lockers. Agon isn't there. He turns to the bathroom and opens the door.

"Agon!"

Nothing.

Into the hall again, running now, sprinting toward the school entrance. Ahead, he can see them, the double doors that lead out of the building. He barely pauses when he reaches them, barreling through them and out into the courtyard. It is raining and the rock garden's large stones shine blackly in the stormy air.

Through the dim light and heavy rain, he can see a car and two figures. One gets into the car and the other walks around to get into the drivers seat. Unsui leaps from the top steps and lands in the rock garden. The wet pebbles tickle his bare feet. As though possessed, he dashes through the storm until he is standing in the road in front of the car.

"Agon!"

The car honks. He puts his hands down on the hood of the vehicle and leans forward. His dougi is soaked through now, but he doesn't care.

"Agon get out of the car!"

The driver's door opens and a woman steps out. She looks older than Unsui. "What the hell are you doing, kid?" she shouts.

"Tell Agon to get out of the car!" Unsui shouts. His voice sounds weak in the storm.

The woman gives him a puzzling look but leans back down into the car, speaking to the passenger. After a moment, the passenger-side door opens and a dark figure steps out. Unsui moves quickly, circling around the car and approaching the man. Agon slams the door shut and looks up.

"The fuck do you think you're doing, Unko-cha-"

Unsui grabs Agon by the collar and thrusts him up against the side of the car. The vehicle roars to life and suddenly begins to pull away. Unsui continues to push even as the car disappears from behind Agon's back and the two brothers tumble to the ground. Unsui pulls back his fist and strikes down, aiming for Agon's face.

At the last moment, Agon's own hand comes up, grabbing Unsui's oncoming fist. There is a flurry of movement and then Unsui is on his back. Above him, Agon sits, pinning him to the ground with ease.

"You scared her away, you fucking trash!" Agon yells. "What the fuck is your problem?"

"What the fuck is yours?!"Unsui yells. His voice cracks as he screams up at Agon.

"Haw?" Agon grunts in surprise. He is about to say something else when Unsui reaches up and pushes him over.

Another struggle occurs but Unsui ends up pinned again, this time face-down on the wet asphalt. Agon twists his arm behind him so roughly it feels like it might break.

"The hell are you trying to do, Unko-chan?"

Unsui can feel the same pressure in his throat from before, but he swallows hard and it disappears. No longer struggling, he summons all his energy to turn his head and scream above the noise of the falling rain.

"You can't quit football, you cocky bastard!"A sob interrupts him but he continues. "Someone with your ability, someone with your god-given ability can't just quit like this!"

"I can do whatever the fuck I wa-"

"No!" Unsui interrupts him again. "You _can't_! I've worked too hard, sacrificed too much to just let you walk out like this! I'm not going to give in until everyone recognizes you as the best, and you _can't fucking quit until then you fucking little brother!_"

Agon says nothing. The sound of the rain on the road is all Unsui could hear for a long time. Finally, the pressure on his arm lessened and Agon let go. Unsui lay there for a moment, waiting to see if Agon would say anything, but nothing was said, so he stood and turned to look at his brother.

Agon was staring at him, right in the eyes. A shiver went down Unsui's spine. How long had it been since Agon had acknowledged him like this? It wasn't right. They were not equals, so why was he making eye contact with a trash like him?

"You should give up, Unsui."

Unsui stopped breathing for a second. To hear Agon say his name like that, in this setting…it had never happened before. He looked long and hard at his brother. His soaked dreadlocks fell in disarray about his face. Any other time this sight would strike fear into him, but right now, at that moment, Unsui thought he could sense a profound…vulnerability in his brother.

He shakes his head. No…no that didn't make any sense at all. Agon was invulnerable. His physical and mental prowess left him with no weaknesses. His pride was the only flaw anyone could think of and yet…

In an instant it was gone. A deep frown sets on Agon's face and his piercing eyes harden and then look away. "That's a stupid fucking goal, Unko-chan."

Unsui recovers quickly, leaning forward and pleading. "But if it's you, it's possible, isn't it?" Agon doesn't look at him. "You're the genius that occurs once in a hundred years, so…so you'll be the best! Everyone knows it!" Unsui takes a step forward. "Even if we lost to Deimon…"

Agon snorts but Unsui continues.

"No…because we lost to Deimon, you've only gotten stronger. You've been training now, and no one can possibly beat you! Next year…next year everyone will recognize your perfection!"

"That's not what would happen," Agon says softly.

Unsui tries to respond but is struck with that same alien sensation that Agon is showing vulnerability again. He shakes it off and continues.

"But it's true! No one can beat you!"

"_Someone already did_!"

Unsui is dumbstruck. He feels like the wind has been knocked out of him. His mind races back to the match with Deimon. No doubt, they had been beaten as a team…but Agon had only gotten stronger from it. It's true, Sena had beaten Agon in the end of the match. It was a job well done and Unsui wasn't about to deny his opponent his victory, but Agon hadn't taken his loss like this at the time. He had rebounded, came back stronger and more determined than before. This isn't like that though…this is different.

"But…" Unsui can't think of anyone else, so he persists. "But when Sena beat you…"

Agon laughs. Unsui looks up, surprised.

"You think I give a shit about that shrimp trash?" Agon laughs again, a wry, superior laugh. "He got me _once_," Agon sneers. "And if we got matched up again, I'd crush the fucking trash like nothing. You know why? Because I am superior to that fucking runt."

This was Agon. This was what Unsui was used to—his overwhelming confidence in his ability, in his superior self. This was how Agon was supposed to be. But if it wasn't Sena then…

"Then who else beat you?"

"Fuck, Unko-chan!" Agon shouts. "What the fuck are you? Some kinda trash reporter?" But Unsui remains silent and eventually Agon continues.

"I was gonna quit the Naga's anyway. You're all a bunch of trashes and I'm wasting my abilities here."

Unsui nods. He can understand this. So he had been planning to switch to another team, a better team. It makes sense. Of course the only other team better than Shinryuuji was…

"The Teikoku Alexanders," Unsui says firmly.

"Yeah, who the fuck else?" Agon sneers at Unsui. "So I go over there yesterday to tell them all what was going on. I wanted in on their match with Deimon. And they were all fussing about some shit like, 'you can't play in the match if you transfer here now,' blah blah blah. So I told them to shut the fuck up and do something about it." Agon pauses, the expression on his face changing from remembered irritation to something different, something darker.

"Then their '_star player_' Yamato goes and tries to start something with me. He says if I can beat him in a one-on-one, they'll let me on the team and I can play in the match. So I agree. I wanna show that fucking trash runner who the best is.

"So he runs at me with the ball and wouldn't you know it, he's a jumpy mother-fucker just like that shrimp trash from Deimon. So I catch him easy." Now he pauses. His face troubled. Unsui watches him carefully.

"And then…"

Agon is remembering the moment where he had caught Yamato; that instant when his hands took hold of the Alexander's ace amongst aces. He glances down at those hands now. They had treaded somewhere they shouldn't have, someplace fearful and dangerous. He remembered looking up and seeing Yamato's face; his teeth bared, his eyes wide with…rage? Or something else?

"Then I lost. He beat me," Agon finishes anticlimactically.

Unsui balks, not ready for the explanation to end.

"But…you caught him, how did he beat you?" Unsui stammers, unable to comprehend.

That frightening image returns unbidden to Agon's mind. In that instant, for the first time in his life, Agon had really felt fear for his well being. He had entered a realm where even his god-given abilities would not save him. For once in his life, he was out of his league. Even more than that, he would never reach that level. No matter how much he excelled, it was out of his reach. All that awaits him in this world is danger and a fear so prominent; it makes him cringe now, when he is safe.

"Don't waste your time on us untalented ones," Agon says quietly.

Unsui can barely hear him over the rain.

"In the world of real strength, pity does nothing."

With a start, Unsui recognizes the words Agon is speaking.

"Go forward and crush the commoners in your way. Believe in your own strength…" Agon trails off.

"That's how I will feel rewarded…" Unsui finishes. Even in the rain, he can feel tears tracking down his face like they did that night so long ago. The idea that Agon would remember something Unsui had said to him so long ago is unfathomable.

"So I deem everyone else trash and cut them down, smash their hopes, because that's how _you_ will feel rewarded, Unko-chan," Agon spits the words out. "And 'cause it's fun for me. What right do those no-talent trashes have to compete in the same world as a genius like me?" He looks at Unsui. "Right?"

Unsui isn't sure how to react. The way he says it, it isn't sarcastic, he isn't talking down to him. But at the same time, he's not really asking for an answer…at least not one that Unsui can give him.

"And maybe I am a genius," Agon continues, his voice grave. "Maybe I can crush every piece of trash that comes my way until there's no more trash left in the whole fucking world!" His voice is rising as he speaks. "Maybe I can use these gifted hands to crush the hopes of every trash player until my fists get covered in grime so thick I can't clean the shit off!" He's shouting now, shouting over the rain. "But even then, Unsui, even after destroying every unworthy speck of trash this whole world has to offer, I'll turn around and see _him_!

"And you know what he's gonna see when he looks at me, huh? He's not gonna see a challenger, a rival, or a superior, he's gonna see some player, covered in fucking _trash_!"

He's breathing hard now. Unsui wants to say something, anything to tell him he's wrong, but he's paralyzed. This isn't the Agon he had known since birth. This wasn't him at all.

"So what the fuck am I supposed to do? Clean the shit off and approach him again?" Agon is screaming now. His body is trembling with a mixture of rage and fear. "And what if I do? Wipe away all the layers of trash and what will he see? _The same fucking piece of trash he saw before_!"

"It doesn't need to be like that…" Unsui says desperately.

"You don't _get it_, Unko-chan!" He laughs a hollow sounding laugh. "All those players that I've crushed, that I've smashed with these hands, I have instilled despair in. They look at me and they think, 'I'm nothing compared to him.' And that's what I want them to think."

His voice lowers and the same empty chuckle begins again.

"But now…_I_ know what it's like to be looked at by someone like me. Oh my _god_, Unko-chan. You can't possibly understand. You gave up! You accepted that you'll never be as good as me. It was easy for you. You never had any confidence in your life!"

"I never had confidence in myself," Unsui says strongly. "Because I put all of it into you! I don't care who you're up against, you'll be able to beat them!"

"It's not getting through to you, is it, Unsui?" Agon shakes his head, still laughing. The laughter scares Unsui. It sounds devoid of any sort of emotion at all. "Well let me make it absolutely fucking clear for you."

"No matter how many times I stand before that guy, I will _never_ win."

Without waiting for Unsui to respond, he turns and begins walking away down the road. After a few steps, the rain swallows him and he disappears from view. Unsui watches him go, silent not out of respect, but because he can't think of anything to say.

"In the end," Agon's disembodied voice pieces through the rain. "We're all trash before him."


End file.
